Decisions

Discarded clothes, unarranged luggages, abandoned soft-toys, dim lights, messy jumbo cards on the floor, overused poker chips, unthrown rubbish. These are the things I see upon opening my room door. I should feel agrieve seeing the mess here at Florence Avenue but deep down in me, I see emptiness. This place used to be all noise and heavy laughter, foul stench and budgeoning footsteps. I used to feel agitated at times when I try to sleep but there was too much noise, but now I feel different. Everything just feel so silent, so dead, so hollow.

Four years now I have been in Melbourne, from a curious 19 year-old living on a 200aud expense per month in Frankston, to a man working six days a week, trying to cover the ever-increasing expense and the holy grail of pulling down a proper job. Times flies, people make decisions, people execute decisions which they believed in. I have made mine, in fact I made it four years ago, and I'm trying to stick with it. But as time goes, one by one we all leave, and soon it will be just me around. It makes me doubt my decision. Is pulling down a good job here more important? or being around with friends back home which makes me a happier person? Do we seek happiness? Or do we want to live a better life in a better place?

As the years aged, I feel distant. Distant from my closest of friends that I've known since high school, distant in terms of geographical proximity and in terms of growing older together. I missed the times when we have loads of fun going about our 'yumcha' session, going on holidays, going to university. I missed the times but I feel I missed out right now.

For now, it remains my desire to obtain a good, professional job here. But with each departees, it blows a chill wind to that desire. I need to be tough for now to keep the fire going.

As the lights in Ben, Marcus and Steven's room when out. I do not know if mine would, but I will keep it on, just yet.

Good night, friends.